By the time January winds down, the initial buzz of New Year’s resolutions has often faded. In fact, research has inspired the second Friday in January to be known as “Quitter’s Day” — the point when many people abandon the goals they set just weeks earlier. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And it doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
Instead, this moment can be an opportunity to reset rather than give up. It’s not too late to adjust your goals, rethink your expectations and cultivate a positive mindset so your resolutions can evolve into something more realistic, sustainable and supportive of your life long after January ends.
Start With Self-Reflection: Understand Yourself Before Resetting Your Goals
Why did you set your goals in the first place? Are you doing things because they’re aligned with your values? Did you set a goal because your friend has a similar goal?
A lot of times, people don’t know what their motivation is. But if you take some time for self-reflection, you can find it. Ask yourself questions about your values. Try journaling to get your thoughts down on paper. Tap into those who are close to you.
“Hopefully you have a supportive network of a few people in your life that can listen and reflect back to you what they hear you saying is important to you, what you value, what you’re willing to commit to and sacrifice for, etc.,” said Steve Fisher, LPC, director of clinical services at WellPower. “If you don’t have someone who comes to mind, you could reach out to a therapist. When you reflect on what you really value, that will help determine what you’re going to be motivated to create in your life in terms of goals and a lifestyle of well-being.”
When you gain enough self-awareness to know what really matters to you, you can find the commitment to live according to your values and goals.
“You have to know yourself well enough to know what you actually want to invest time and energy in – whether that’s a workout regimen, a hobby, managing your health proactively, learning a new skill or something else,” Fisher said. “Know yourself well enough to know if something is important to you and aligned with your goals.”
Reassess Your Goals with Grace: Progress Doesn’t Require Perfection
If your goal is in line with your values, look at what’s interfering with the goal from being successful. Is it too ambitious? Is it not ambitious enough?
There needs to be a challenging aspect to your goal because there is a benefit you get from working hard to achieve something. But, if it’s too hard, you will likely feel defeated and guilty and want to quit.
“Set difficult but doable goals,” Fisher said.
For example, let’s say you value your physical health, so you initially set a goal of going to the gym five days a week. But, it isn’t happening. You can pivot. Maybe you adjust your goal to three days instead of five.
“Give yourself permission to not be hard on yourself,” Steve said. “Be gracious with yourself.”
Invite Others In: Turn Goals Into Shared Experiences, Not Solo Pressure
Think about how you can work on your goals with others.
Maybe you go to the gym three days a week and one of those days includes a group fitness class. Or maybe you invite a friend to join you and you work out together.
“Some goals are worked on by ourselves and that’s completely fine,” Steve said. “But by and large, we do things in conjunction with supportive people in our lives. We are more likely to do something if it’s with someone. We have a need for connection. We are social beings.”
Use Therapy as a Tool: Professional Support Can Help You Move Forward
Reaching out to a therapist can be a meaningful step if you’re feeling stuck or unsure about your goals. A therapist can provide a supportive, nonjudgmental space to help you reflect on what’s really driving your resolutions, explore obstacles that may be getting in the way and clarify what you want moving forward.
To access mental health services with WellPower, call (303) 504-7900 or request an appointment online.
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