Note: The following post discusses suicide. If you or someone you know needs 24/7 immediate support, call, text or chat 988 to connect to the National Mental Health Line, or visit the Walk-In Center at 4353 E. Colfax Ave. in Denver.  

Grief is a universal experience, but the grief that follows a suicide is uniquely complex and challenging. WellPower’s Zero Suicide project manager, Megan Bettenberg, M.A., LPC, provided insights into the feelings surrounding losing a loved one to suicide and how we can support someone experiencing this type of loss. 

Zero Suicide is a transformational framework for safety and quality improvement in behavioral and health care systems. It is made up of seven principles that are best-practice and evidence-based protocols for suicide prevention, and it is up to each organization to implement them in their own unique way. 

Suicide Loss Creates a Unique Kind of Grief 

When someone dies by suicide, the grief experienced by those left behind is often compounded by a myriad of emotions that may not be as prevalent in other types of loss. 

“Suicide grief is a lot more complex and complicated than, for example, losing a loved one to long-term illness,” said Bettenberg. “The reason for that is because there can be a storm of emotions or feelings that people may have. But this is especially complex because they may also be navigating stigma and judgement from society.” 

One of the most significant differences in grieving a suicide can be a pervasive sense of guilt and self-blame. Survivors often replay their interactions with the deceased, searching for signs they might have missed or actions they could have taken to prevent the tragedy. This relentless self-examination can be debilitating.  

In addition to guilt, survivors of suicide loss often grapple with feelings of anger and betrayal. They may feel anger towards the deceased for leaving them and for the pain their death has caused. This anger can be difficult to reconcile with the love and sorrow they feel, creating a fraught emotional landscape.  

Another unique aspect of grief from suicide is the stigma that often surrounds it. Society’s misconceptions and judgments about suicide can lead to feelings of isolation and shame for the survivors. They may struggle with whether to disclose the cause of death and how to navigate the reactions of others.  

The sudden and often violent nature of suicide can also contribute to the trauma experienced by survivors. Unlike other types of loss, where there may be time to prepare and say goodbye, suicide often leaves survivors in a state of shock and disbelief. This can complicate the grieving process and make it more difficult to find closure.  

Bettenberg’s work with Zero Suicide highlights the importance of providing support and resources to those affected by suicide, helping them navigate the complex emotions and trauma that follow. 

“One element that’s special about our program is that we have a peer specialist who has experienced suicidality and can speak to those feelings with people we serve,” said Bettenberg. “Having that peer-to-peer connection really helps during these times of vulnerability and reduces judgment that they may feel.” 

Peer specialists are individuals who have found success in their recovery process and feel ready to help others experiencing similar challenges. They offer a unique lens in the way they help people served by using their own experience to relate to people served who are currently struggling. 

Moving Through the Grief of Suicide Loss  

Whether we’re caring for someone experiencing loss from suicide or have been personally impacted by it, knowing how this kind of grief differs from other types can help you or your loved one process through those feelings. Bettenberg offered several suggestions to support yourself or someone you love: 

• Ask “What do I/you need right now?” From a hot meal to a hug to just some space to process, our needs during times of acute grief differ. Checking in with yourself or your loved one about what you or they need can help with putting one foot in front of the other. 

• Consistent Check-Ins: Maintaining connections and checking in with people in your support network, even if it’s just a text or quick call, can make a huge difference in not feeling alone. 

• Practical Support: Sometimes grief can feel so overpowering that simple actions like making food or bathing can seem impossible. It’s okay to ask for help with hot meals, company and home care when navigating loss.  

• Engage the Senses: Soothing scents, soft textures and sounds that bring us peace can be deeply comforting during times of grief. If you’re caring for a loved one, little gifts like a candle in their favorite smell or sitting with them and listening to music can help create moments of calm. 

• Listen and Be Present: Sometimes, the best support is having someone to listen and simply sit with us in our feelings, without trying to make the situation better. Providing or having someone to be a non-judgmental and supportive presence can be incredibly comforting. 

• Avoid Judgment and Blame: It’s crucial to avoid passing judgment or making blaming statements, both for yourself and when supporting a loved one. Ask yourself or the person you love what they need in that moment and respect their wishes. 

• Support Systems: Above all else, having or providing a support system through periods of grief is critical. Connecting with friends, family and support groups can help you or your loved one avoid isolation during an incredibly difficult time. 

While there is no one-size-fits-all approach, maintaining connections and continuing to show up/allow your loved ones in can help ease the severity of grief in the wake of suicide loss. 

How Does the Zero Suicide Program Help? 

According to the Colorado Department of Public Health and Education (CDPHE), in 2023, more than 1 in 4 Colorado adults reported they or someone close to them had been affected by suicide.  

WellPower’s Zero Suicide framework is comprehensive and involves everyone working together to prevent suicide. It’s about creating a safety net that catches individuals before they fall, providing them with the care and support they need to stay safe and healthy. 

We also provide a wide range of clinical services to help people navigate feelings of grief from suicide loss.  

“We understand the need to help people heal from the trauma of suicide loss,” said Bettenberg. “Therapies like trauma processing, working with individuals to identify their emotions and supporting people as they learn to live with the loss of their loved one help people move forward.” 

WellPower is Here for You 

If you or your child need support in navigating loss from suicide or simply want someone to talk to, WellPower offers a wide range of programs and services that can help. Visit us online at wellpower.org/access or call (303) 504-7900 to learn more. 

WellPower gladly welcomes people with Medicaid coverage. Please contact us if you have any questions about accessing services for yourself, your minor child (ages 0-17) or other family members. Wondering about accessing our services with Medicaid insurance? Find out more about Medicaid here.